Nobody Fucks With a Lion

My grades in high school were less than spectacular. I slacked off. I had just about every psychological disorder imaginable. I partied. That got me into Cal State Northridge. CSUN was sort of chill. I made some cool friends and joined the most amazing sorority ever. Unfortunately, the university itself was just BS. It was way too big. I couldn't get the classes I needed, nor did anyone care if I got my classes or even passed them. It wasn't what I was used to coming from a small private school. 

It was then that I made one of the best choices for myself in the history of my life - I moved home. I transferred to Foothill, a fantastic community college 30 minutes south of my house where I knew I was certain to get into a good 4-year. After CSUN, I knew I wanted a private school, no states or UC's, which made my application process much easier. I immediately had two schools in mind - USC and LMU. For those of you who live under a rock, USC is the University of Southern California and LMU is Loyola Marymount University. Both schools are amazing and in Los Angeles. :-)

Well, I've done my best to keep up my grades after having a dismal academic semester at Northridge. Currently, my cumulative is at a 3.5. During Winter Quarter I applied for transfer to both USC and LMU. May 28, 2009 coincidentally happened to be the date in which both schools determined my academic fate. USC, in all of its competitive glory, was unfortunately not able to offer me admission. Bummer. But whatever. However, I called the LMU admissions office on Friday & was pleasantly informed of my acceptance! Fabulous news! It looks as though I will be an LMU Lion come Fall 2009... just waiting on the official packet! :-)

I love my life.

Prop Hate

California, I am truly disappointed in you. Prop 8 goes against love & love makes the world go round. Prop 8 supports intolerance and discrimination and homophobia. Why would anyone who has ever been in love or gotten married want to deny someone else of their right to wed?

Celebrities have been up in arms over Prop 8 for months and still are. I wish that their fame had more pull among voters. "California is supposed to be a progressive state. It defies logic to me. I'm very disappointed" Elton John told AccessHollywood.com and I couldn't agree more with the Rocket Man. Seriously dudes, if a state like Iowa can accept and tolerate gay marriage, why can't California? 

I signed this petition earlier today. I want more people to sign it too.

http://www.gavinnewsom.com/actions/petition

Summer Bummer

Summer is right around the corner... Guess who needs a job? Oh yes, yours truly. I need that cashola. It's a bummer, because most places aren't hiring or they don't like the temporary factor. Blows. Come autumn, I'm outa hurr. Plus, I'm a picky and stubborn person. I don't always respond well to authority. Never could I ever wait tables or serve any kind of food. Gross. I would not feel comfortable serving people I know. I'd feel way too submissive. Not a good fit.

Retail is alright. Sort of sucks. Discounts on clothes are sick. I worked at Abercrombie & Fitch during my senior year of high school. I still have a ton of A&F clothes, but I could never work there again. No minimum wage, thank you very much. Last week, I called the new American Apparel that opened super close to my house about job openings. The chick on the phone was helpful, told me they had an opening & to bring in my resume & some pics to get a feel for my style. So, the next day, as instructed, I delivered my resume with some pictures. Now, I'm constantly in American Apparel shopping, but the usual girls I know who work there were unfortunately not on duty. I finally found a girl working and asked her who I would see about turning in my resume. She shyly pointed to this chick with one of those bull nose rings, so I walked over, introduced myself and explained the phone convo I had the day before. This girl then says "Oh, okay, well, yeah, we'll keep this in our file and call you when we have an opening." Ummm hello WTF. The chick on the phone said they had an opening. Hella sketch right? I'm gonna bring my resume to the other Apparel in Paly and see what happens. Wish me luck.

One of the most rewarding jobs I ever had was at this upscale tanning salon. I would love to work at another one. Basic duties include smiling, being friendly, being tan and selling lots of tans and tanning lotions. Fabulous. Since I had to get certified by the Smart Tan Network, I now know, like, all the science behind tanning. I'm pretty much a pro. The only problem is there's a limited number of reputable salons in the area, and most are not currently hiring. My family, however, has a house in Santa Cruz. I'm thinking about applying to some salons over in the Cruz and Capitola and I could just live there for the summer. Rad idea. I'd just work and tan and surf, like, all day. Sweet life. - Well that idea is now out of the question. Just checked with the parentals and it looks like my grandparents will be inhabiting the beach house for the majority of the summer. Another bummer. 

Guess I'll have to work on the local employment opportunities for now... oh yeah, I've gotta plan Independence Day 2009. I'm thinking Lake Tahoe. South Shore? We'll see...

Got That New I'm A Single Girl Swag

I try to download every song on Billboard's Hot 100 just to keep up with what's trendy. I don't really listen to the radio. Don't watch much MTV. It's the only real way I can find out what's new & popular. So, I downloaded Kristinia Debarge's "Goodbye", currently #30 on the Billboard Hot 100, and had a listen. At first, I thought it sounded like something only 11 year old girls should be listening to. Then I listened to the lyrics. I've been totally over emotional the past 2 weeks about lame ass romance bullshit, so I must admit, this song has been a much needed pick me up. The song has a definite sugarcoated/bubblegum sound but it's a for sure mood booster. Na na na na, na na na na, hey heyyy, goodbye.

On Saturday, I saw the new Wayans' bros. film "Dance Flick." Please, please, please do not waste your money. Thankfully, I had a free movie pass, but I'm almost sorry I threw it away on this pathetic excuse for a film. I only saw it in the first place because my friends already bought their tickets and told me to come, so I didn't have time to convince them that "Star Trek" or "Terminator: Salvation" or "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" or just about any other movie would have been a better investment. The entire flick was a "Save the Last Dance" parody, with a few rips on other dance movies. There were a few laugh out loud moments, mostly thanks to Essence Atkins' character Charity. Otherwise, the majority of the movie was completely racist, portraying all inner city blacks as gang members and over-sexed degenerates who never wear condoms and don't know how to parent their children. It's sort of a shame that this was written by black men using African-American stereotypes entirely for profit. Maybe they figure since the stereotypes are out there, they might as well play off of them? I'll admit, some of the jokes were hilarious, but it's not like my white/blonde friends and I could really laugh at some of them in a theater surrounded by black people. I'm not racist at all, but it's just the truth. Anyway, that is beside the point.

The point is that this movie was awful. Horrid. Yuck. Barf. 

Oh yeah, I'd also like to give a shout out to all of the vets and those currently fighting for the USA. I'm not about war, I don't know many people who are, but I'm proud that you're putting your lives on the line to ensure freedom and safety in this country and others. I've got family and friends overseas & I just wish everyone the best. World peace! Happy Memorial Day! I salute you.

I Know What Ice Fishing Is

Titanic might possibly be one of the greatest movies, ever, to watch after a break up. Or maybe it wasn't even a break up. Maybe you just can't be with the one you want. 

The 1997 Oscar winning film is regarded as one of the greatest love stories of all time. Only with this story, there are just a few days of bliss and no happy ending - all too familiar to my romantic histories. First of all, the movie's score alone is beautifully tragic, perfect for enhancing a myriad of emotions. I coyly admit that I will listen to the theme by itself when I feel particularly depressed. The violin assists feeling, but instills a sense of hope at the same time... if that makes sense.

It also eases heartbreak to know that Jack never tells Rose that he loves her. Never. He says "that's what I love about you, Rose" which is certainly not the same as "I love you." Even when Mr. Dawson is nearing his death in the freezing Atlantic, he can't even manage to get those three words out. Maybe he didn't have to say it. Maybe Rose already knew. Maybe he didn't really love her. Maybe you don't always need to say it. Maybe it doesn't need to be real love to be any less a love story. 

All I know is that it is past 1 AM and I am awake, alone and lonely - my only company a doomed pair of lovers and their fellow ill-fated passengers. 

My heart will go on.

Mundane Monday

Since Friday, my emotions have been extremely confused. I had a lot of fun this weekend, but I've still been dealing with the same old stuff. I don't know whether or not I should feel angry or sad or strong or free. In all reality, I just feel lost and somewhat empty. I've gotta learn to deal with the fact that there are only so many situations I can control. Am I a control freak? Maybe I'm a sociopath. 

I just created a playlist on iTunes to help me cope. It helps, like, tons. Currently listening to "Pain" by Jimmy Eat World and let's see what other jams I've got on here... "Gives You Hell" by the All American Rejects, "Stronger" by Britney Spears, "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado, "Senorita" by Justin Timberlake, the ever so emotional "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson and just about every Aerosmith song. There's a bunch more. But yeah. I'm gonna go take a bubble bath. Later broski.

Practice Makes Perfect

I just spent several hours in my backyard working out in my bikini while simultaneously tanning. I'm, like, so totally genius right? 

At this very moment, I have reason to believe my family is cursed. Yes, I said it... Cursed. We have been dealing with one absolutely dreadful situation after the next. I'm not sure exactly how I'm surviving, but my soul is nowhere near intact. I guess it's just the hardships that life gives out sometimes, but it's extra hard coping with sick loved ones, car accidents, economic problems, people trying to set your house on fire, and multiple family members leaving for Iraq all in the span of a month. I think those are really only half of our issues. Sucks, huh? I'm aware how terribly emo I must sound, but on top of my family's struggles, I have so many more of my own. I think I'm blessed to be in a somewhat decent mood right now. It's not easy to have panic attacks daily and still keep a smile on your face. Yesterday, my brother asked me how I was able to deal with everything and still keep smiling. I simply replied, "Practice." 

I feel like everyone is in southern California right now. Two of my best friends are down at USC for their older siblings' graduations. My "fella" is at USC for the weekend baseball series. And then there's just a ton of other friends going down for the weekend. I was supposed to go too. I wish I did, but I'm glad I didn't. I think there might have been drama. I like to avoid drama if possible. 

Poem Update: As of Tuesday night, that poem I started on Monday is about 6 pages long. Damn. Hella emotions up in hurr. I mean, I think it's pretty good. The whole thing rhymes. I don't think I'll add anything more because I basically wrote everything there is to write about the situation. Maybe a few more verses could be squeezed in. I'll make it an even 6 pages. Damn. 6 pages.

Hump Day

Happy Hump Day ladies & gentlemen! I just got home from the Stanford baseball game against Pacific. Totally bitchin' 9th inning. The lead flipped back and forth throughout the game, and by the bottom of the 9th it was 13-10 Pacific, with Stanford up to bat. Pacific's pitcher, Carnivale, had stumbled, allowing two runs and several walks. So with the score 13-12, #21 Kellen Kiilsgaard comes up to the plate for Stanford. There are already 2 outs and the bases are loaded - no pressure! Then, with 2 balls and 2 strikes, Kiilsgaard blasts the ball perfectly into center field. Kiilsgaard had barely made it to first base when his teammates swarmed the hitter to celebrate the victory. Final score: 14-13. Kellen goes up like 200+ cool points. 

Oh, did I forget to mention I've got a slight obsession with baseball?

Kris Allen is The Sex

Aight, so I haven't followed American Idol in hella days. This season, however, totally sucked me in. I think Adam Lambert will take it, and I love him. But I've been super addicted to Kris Allen since the very beginning. He's like a cross between Jason Mraz and John Mayer with a splash of orgasm. His songs are like soft, but playful sex. Mmmm. 

I just finished watching his rendition of Kanye West's "Heartless" and it was absolutely unbelievable. Loved it. Check it, please. I've never been one to vote for these shows, but I want Allen in the final two fa sho. Nothing against Danny Gokey. I mean, he seems like a cool dude, fabulous vocals, but not my style?

It's Only Tuesday...

This week is slower than I would like. Everything goes by slow when you're waiting. I started this little shblog last night and I'm already on my third post. It would be more impressive if I had any followers. Someday, maybe people will become intrigued and read all of these early workings. 

 

Do you ever listen to a song and see all the similarities it has with your life? It happens to me every single day. Sometimes, like right now, I can hardly listen to any song without getting a little choked up. My brain finds a way to make the song fit into my life and, well, life is kinda hard. I guess I'll have to stick to rap beats about pimpin' hoes and thug life. 

 

I called my old psychiatrist yesterday afternoon but she had already left her office. The good old doctor was supposed to call me back today. She said she checks her voicemail once every day. Still no call. WTF. In my voicemail, I specifically mentioned the urgency of a reply and getting on some meds by the end of the week. How. Ah. Noy. Ing. Bleh. I could see any shrink really, but my doctor was from Stanford's Adolescent & Child Psychology unit, so I feel like I need a psych of the same caliber. And there it is again, amazing how the name "Stanford" can add so much to notability and reputation. Ha. Well, we shall see how my return to the medicated life goes. I think it will go very well, or else there would be no reason to come back. 

 

Today is Tuesday, and on this Tuesday I have decided to open a new chapter in the book that is my provocative life. I need to remember that this is my life and I come first. It's not selfish, I consider it emotionally responsible. Life is so much more lively when you look at the world through rose colored glasses. Optimism is key. Carpe Diem. Hakuna Matata. I've gotta learn to breathe.

Oh remember that poem I mentioned from my last little post "Rhymes with Alex?" Well, I decided to write a little more this morning. It turned into a lot of writing, and the poem is now nearly five pages. I'm crazy. But hey, whatever gets the emotions out in a healthy and productive way, right? Here's the first verse thing... 

Oh baby, would you mind passing me the Xanax?

I've gotta come down from all these panic attacks

You see, anxiety here has taken over

Shut me down, like an alcoholic gone sober

It's a little funny how that first bit is on anxiety when every other line I've written has focused on a completely different topic. Well, not completely since it's totally fueling my anxiety. Emo. Maybe I'll keep writing. I'll make it a book. Ya? Didn't think so. You know something is wrong when I put on my emo playlist. Peace out brah.

AVS

Rhymes with Alex

Back in the day, I was super into the whole poetry thing. Mix a twelve year old girl with insane emotions and imagination, you're bound to get something emo. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wasn't half bad. I was published in multiple volumes of the "Stanford Anthology for Youth". I guess that's supposed to be impressive since it has "Stanford" in the title. 

Today, I decided to hop back on that poetry train, or whatever you want to call it. I write about my life most of the time. It's the easiest thing to write about. Write what you know... right?

I wrote a super long poem today about some romantic messiness I've been in as of late. Life is tough. Especially when you're impatient. I'm waiting on college transfer decisions, on friends, on dudes.

Life is messy... So I won't put up the long poem yet. Needs some work.  Thought this little one up in class today though... sure I'll add on to it later... maybe

'Cause in times like these

You've just gotta learn to breathe

And life can get so crazy

That it brings you to your knees

AVS

Popping the Blog Cherry... Gnarly

Mom & Pops have been suggesting I get a blog for hella days. I like to write. I like to write about myself. I like the internet. It all goes together pretty well. I'm sure it'll be a good fit. Just hope I don't post TMI. Ya dig?

I've got a lot going on in my life. The inside of my brain is like Lovefest or fireworks on the 4th of July or some crazy Halloween party. I think too fast. It's hard for me to get my thoughts out sometimes. And I've got some fantastically fun issues that should make some of these little blogs rather interesting. Hopefully. I just don't want to be boring. I'd rather be anything but boring. I think boring is the worst insult ever. I'd rather be called a bitch or a slut or a dumb blonde - anything but boring. Marilyn Monroe has this totally stellar quote about not being boring: "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

How long are these posts supposed to be? Hmmm... I guess I'll get better at them? Maybe someone will actually read it...

Till next time... Peace Out Brah

AVS