Nothing Sharpens Sight Like Envy

One of the seven deadly sins.

The green eyed monster.

Pure, intense jealousy.

“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time.”

Jealousy is not a quality that would logically appear in a woman of confidence. As humans, however, it is a common vice that so many of us share. It is created from desire and insecurity and fear. Why are we constantly wanting what we do not have? Because we may never have it? Because someone else already does? Men and women are individuals without ownership, not pieces of property. Yet, how is it that the pure evil feeling of intense jealousy may arise at the mere idea of losing a lover or crush to another? Is jealousy nothing more than the fear of abandonment? The fear of loss?

"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had."

Envy is running through my veins. I could be a crayon, I'm so green with it. Jealousy is more than a small want or insecurity - jealousy is rage. It is hatred. It is fury. It's so green that it's black with disgust. I could vomit.

And how is it that this feeling can even come about from mere desire? I rarely "put my eggs in one basket" - but I suppose it's the savage beast in me that must fight for survival. I've become a wild animal fighting for my prey. Is he even worth the fight? Is the juice worth the squeeze? A loss here would be a small one - nobody is that special. He's certainly not. Still, it's the envy in me that fumes with rage and anger and confusion. I deserve the best. I know what is best, right?

Here and now, will I become the wild animal fighting for prey or will I remember that I must leave the fighting to my suitors? Jealousy can't be all the fun I think they had, because they would have had even more fun with me. I'm the most fun. Be jealous.

Rhymes with Alex

Back in the day, I was super into the whole poetry thing. Mix a twelve year old girl with insane emotions and imagination, you're bound to get something emo. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wasn't half bad. I was published in multiple volumes of the "Stanford Anthology for Youth". I guess that's supposed to be impressive since it has "Stanford" in the title. 

Today, I decided to hop back on that poetry train, or whatever you want to call it. I write about my life most of the time. It's the easiest thing to write about. Write what you know... right?

I wrote a super long poem today about some romantic messiness I've been in as of late. Life is tough. Especially when you're impatient. I'm waiting on college transfer decisions, on friends, on dudes.

Life is messy... So I won't put up the long poem yet. Needs some work.  Thought this little one up in class today though... sure I'll add on to it later... maybe

'Cause in times like these

You've just gotta learn to breathe

And life can get so crazy

That it brings you to your knees

AVS